Being A Man
Written by Rod Gordon
How to be a man and men’s wellbeing have long been passions of mine.
I have had the unique experience of being a heterosexual man and a hairdresser. In that capacity, I saw a lack of leadership and direction around what it means, and how to be a man.
I see and feel the pain this has created for myself and others in my life. The pain of not showing up with depth, integrity, and strength created devastation in my relationships.
Being authentic in presence, masculinity and depth is an important part of how to be a man. Realising this has transformed my life.
Studying in Australia and USA for many years, receiving coaching, and the exploration of spiritual healing, emotions, relationship and intimacy have all allowed for massive growth and transformation in my life.
So the confusion I once felt about how to be a man has now fallen away. I see the ideas I had about how to be a man were controlling, destructive, violent, fear-based and abusive.
It is these ideas that permeate our society. I see no clear path showing how to be a man. I see confused, ambiguous, uncertain men directing and leading us.
They’re not to blame.
As a man, I acknowledge I have been lost and it’s time for a new way to emerge.
That starts with honouring the path I’ve walked. By looking at my successes and failures in the light of day, I allow new choices to emerge as I evolve and navigate an unseen path.
INTERACTIONS WITH WOMEN.
How I am being a man can be seen in how I treat others.
This becomes clearer when I look at my relationship to women. How do I really experience a woman? I realised I can feel a woman through my body, touch her heart, in a way that honours her and myself.
I feel more deeply connected to a woman when I offer all of myself to her and our relationship. To do this I love and honour her by being deeply present, having the courage to offer my integrity, clarity and truth.
This is truly being a man with her. I have worked closely with women in my time as a hairdresser. In that capacity, I’ve seen the variety of colours and flavours of women.
Without consciously knowing it, I was studying women. I was learning. I became aware of how unseen many women feel and the resulting impact this has in relationships.
THIS CAN BE CHANGED.
I discovered solutions for transforming my relationships such as cultivating a willingness to inspect my behaviour, to be present to the feelings in my body, and to acknowledge what comes up.
I developed an awareness of the dynamics and flow in how women communicate. There are many signals that I had overlooked.
A woman often communicates from a place of feeling. A response to something she deems hurtful may be: “You’re an arsehole” when what she is really saying is: “When you communicate so abrasively, without consideration to the sensitivity that runs through my body, it hurts and is overwhelming” or “I feel like you are not here. I’m scared I’m losing my relationship, and everything I value and cherish ”
The nature of a woman’s passion, sensitivity and feeling is beyond what I know as a man.
However, I know that my awareness of these parts of her allows me to understand her even more. When a woman is communicating from a place of intense feeling, she is doing her best to express all that is moving through her body in a split second.
If I have behaved or spoken in a way that feels bad for her, she experiences me as an arsehole.
And so that’s what she expresses to me. When I know where my partner is coming from, and how she experiences what comes up, I can respond to the essence of her communication and not react to the content.
Knowing this as a man totally changes our relationship. My integrity in that moment is for clarity, purpose and direction. Hers is to express fully through her body what she is feeling.
When the two come together the masculine purpose and direction can guide the feminine feeling and emotion and give clarity.
The two of us then move forward in union, each fulfilling different roles, giving meaning and depth to our love.
THIS REALISATION CHANGED MY WORLD.
Now, I can more clearly navigate my way through the stormy waters of my life and relationships.
It’s not food or game I desire to hunt, but consciousness, awareness, and love – recognised and felt through my body.
This is how I am a man today.
The hundreds of years my ancestors have spent honing their skills and instincts, I can reignite in the hunt for deeper love, stronger knowing and greater presence.
The key to this is cultivating my abilities to communicate, embody my feelings, be vulnerable, be fearless with my fear and lovingly open myself to be seen.
This is an easily overlooked part of men’s health and wellbeing.
To communicate freely as a man means to feel into my body and offer my truth without holding back. This is a key point in how to be a man.
A woman feels this long before I’m aware of it. When I start talking and my words don’t line up with what she feels in my body, she loses trust.
If I am hiding she will create chaos to tear away the walls of deceit. This is her gift to me. My capacity for the expression of truth determines my value as a man, and my value to a woman.
When I communicate truth, I deepen in presence and trust. That is my gift to her. The unity is cyclic. Imagine a world where the depth, capacity and strength of love as men is present in the world.
I stand for the full experience of masculine love, strength and integrity flourishing in the world.
It starts for me right here, right now.
With Love, Rod.