As a teenager, I avoided this feeling by being very busy with other people’s lives and needs. Discovering alcohol supported me to stay distracted from the internal discomfort.
In my 20’s, I stayed distracted by chasing corporate dreams Monday to Friday. Whilst on the weekend, denial of my inner feeling came in the form of binge-drinking, chasing men, dreaming of the perfect relationship, and again, being busy with other people’s lives.
It was around the age of 27 that it all started to catch up with me. A longing to explore the discomfort and dissatisfaction woke me up. Shook me out of my preoccupation with men, alcohol, corporate dreams and other people’s lives.
So began my quest to really know myself. I solo traveled through Europe and South America while going deeply internally - looking to discover who I am? What makes me tick? Why do I hide from myself?
I journeyed with many modalities and teachers, only to discover that what I was looking for was inside of me all along.
I began to truly feel, connect and embody the wisdom that everything I had been searching for is, and always was, inside of me.
This truth, which sounds so simple, was life changing and profound.
It’s now been many years of marinating in this understanding. Peeling away the layers of contraction and conditioning that have inhibited my full and authentic expression of Martina.
The greatest gift that any teacher or teaching can offer is that what you are looking for already lives inside of you. I am very grateful to have had a number of people point me in this direction, and one in particular, who has been consistent and unwavering in holding that space for me to go inside and truly embody that space.
So that now when I pause and feel, it’s no longer discomfort or disquiet, but a sense of inner calm, peace and gratitude for everything I have journeyed up until now.
If you, like me, have been searching for that something more, and want to learn how to discover all that is within you, join me for Blossoming Woman Level 1 - click here for more.