Respect him. These two words are critical. Why? Because I see many women (and I have been there myself) who go into relationships with men they don’t respect. And when a woman is with a man she doesn’t respect, she will try to change him, she will try to control him and she will try to mother him.

I have recently heard a number of women talking about partners or ex-partners as “boys” (in a derogatory manner). This is a sign of the times we live in. Women don’t respect men. (and we can get into all the stuff that men have done, but that’s not the point of this post, because there are good men out there, but we don’t see them when we look through the lens of “men are hopeless”).

Many women express a sense of superiority over the man in their lives. The choice to be with a man we don’t respect is a flawed choice. I have seen a number of women think that the man they chose is the best available, and so they should just settle. There’s a lack consciousness in that.

When a woman doesn’t respect a man, she puts him down (sometimes publicly), she will talk over the top of him, she will not take his advice, she will try to change him, she will try to run her life and his life, not be willing to seek his contribution and generally be looking out for herself. It’s a toxic mess. And it’s not good for anyone’s sense of well-being.

It doesn’t feel good. And what is the point of relationship if it doesn’t feel good?


What sits underneath?

A woman who doesn’t trust men, doesn’t trust herself and doesn’t trust life. She doesn’t believe that there are better men available as she has written men off, decided they are all useless. I know many women who have these beliefs right now. And I am familiar with it, as I was once there.

Believing that no man could “meet me”. But really I wasn’t willing to let go of control, so I chose men that I could control, men that I didn’t fully respect. And underneath, we need to look at why women choose men they don’t respect. It’s a desire to be in control. It’s a way to play out some of the unresolved patterns with men. Often the inner child is driving the choices.


The inner child still wants to complete the pattern with her father, looking for a man who will be there, a man who will validate her, who will prove his love. The sad part of this is that the inner child looks for a man like Dad (or other significant caregiver) and then continues proving herself unworthy of his love. This is where a woman needs to recognise that it’s no longer about him.

It’s time for her to take space to clear out the cesspit of anger, rage and loathing towards men. To claim herself first. To be a woman who knows herself and truly loves herself from the inside out. A woman who looks after her own inner child rather than trying to have a man take care of the inner child.

From this space, a woman can choose a man who she respects. A man who she can admire. A man where she doesn’t need to play games but can be her true self.

There are good men out there. There are men out there who can meet you.

Choose respect. It’s also a sign of respect for yourself.

And it will feel good for everyone concerned.