Why I Love Working With Men
BY MARTINA HUGHES
It’s funny when people question me about being a woman who works with men as it’s really clear to me about why I work with men. I love working with men for a variety of reasons.
It’s not my role to teach a man how to be a man – there are plenty of men’s programs that already exist for that purpose. I know that, as a woman, I have some unique wisdom and insights to share with men. I experienced a strong awakening several years ago, which opened me to new experiences of love, sex and relationships; it is from this place that I empower others in their journey of self-discovery.
I often feel sad about the ways in which men are shamed.
At a Breast Cancer conference some years ago, I spoke about the role of the breath in healing. The speaker before me was a nurse, she spoke about sex after surgery for breast cancer. There were so many derogatory jokes about men and their sexual desires. I was horrified. I wanted to leave the room.
I get it, the women who make those jokes often do so from a place of feeling hurt by men. But this is not the way to bridge the gap between men and women. Making jokes or going tit for tat has never repaired relationships – at the individual level or societally.
I literally felt sick as I listened to joke after joke, put down after put down. There were men in the room – I wondered how they felt. Do they accept it as normal? Of the 200+ people in the room, 99% of the women were laughing… except me.
So when I work with men I am deeply in touch with my own desire to support men in reclaiming their sexuality and their desires, empowering them to reach in and live the fullness of who they are. I let them know that the stories they have heard and all the ways in which they have been put down or shamed for being sexual are part of what contributes to the toxicity in our society.
For a society to be healthy, each man and each woman needs to reclaim their sexuality, their desires, their longings and feel free to naturally express them, in ways that feel true to their individual nature.
The more men curtail themselves, hold back or shrink themselves to please women – the more women lose respect for men, and correspondingly, the more men will lose respect for themselves.
What will make a difference in our relationships is if both men AND women are in true alignment with their natural essence!So that they are able to relate with each other from a place of moving forwards TOGETHER, towards a greater vision. Towards a greater depth of experience… for her, for him, for their families, their communities, for all.
Let’s grow up and move away from the gender wars and towards a place where we can build each other up. Where the world can be based on loving and harmonious connections.
I LOVE working with men because they are so hungry and ready for change in this area of their lives. They have an innate desire to please the women in their lives… I want to help men learn to be able to do this without compromising themselves. That is part of my mission in working with men.
For us women, our ongoing challenge is to not use or manipulate that beautiful natural and innate aspect within man – that is part of my work with women.
I know the part of me, and have seen it in other women, the manipulative feminine who works situations to her own advantage – and enjoys that kind of power. But it’s toxic and leads to more unhappiness and destruction in our relationships.
Empowerment in relationships is allowing space for men and women to explore, embody and express who they truly are.