There’s a quality of love that has opened in me as a result of being loved by Rod. A love that is much deeper than any openness I could cultivate through solo practice.
Being loved by Rod has created the space for me to explore and allow the love I feel to move through me. In this space, I have healed, loved, and accepted myself. His love has shown me how to accept the messy, clumsy, and awkward parts of me.
Him loving me has shown me that love can be consistent, safe, and ever-present. It’s helped my nervous system to re-imprint, to be able to trust in the presence and love of another.
My past trauma patterns had created an imprint of not being able to trust another to love me, to hold me or to be consistently present for me. I had taken on beliefs that I had to be perfect in order to be loved.
Therefore, I expected love to show up in some perfect way. My belief that I had to be perfect was projected onto love, imagining love to be some perfect experience that would save me.
In my relationship with Rod, having the space to be messy - messy physically as well as emotionally, has been liberating. Having space to get things wrong, to not know the answers, to be present with my own mistakes whilst being loved and held with presence has been liberating.
There are times when Rod has felt hurt from my words and actions, and there are times when I have felt hurt from Rod’s words or actions.
And yet, our love remains consistent. We have found ways to embrace, grow and evolve with these moments. We have both been able to move past the moments of hurt, confusion, and frustration because we have been committed to something bigger than ourselves.
Commitment to growth has been a high value in both of our lives, long before we met each other. And so, we have been able to use the clumsy, awkward, and messy moments in our relationship as opportunities to grow.
Relationships show us patterns and habits that have often defined who we believe we are, and that have allowed us to live in limiting ways. Rod and I are committed to growing through past patterns and habits, to not stay stuck or be defined by the past, and to allow life to guide us to a deeper love and understanding of how to be in the world.
We have walked through some massive life transitions in our relationship.
We have used these challenges and experiences to bring us closer, to create the quality of intimacy and relationship that we desired.
I have the opportunity to enjoy the shine cultivated through self-love, and then to experience a deeper more radiant love that arises from being deeply loved.