BY MARTINA HUGHES
For those of us with high desire and high capacity for transformation, it is often accompanied by an inner agitation. It’s a fire, an inexplicable force of life energy waiting to burst on through. A desire for more, a desire to touch god – in ourselves and others.
It’s the same force that drives religious zealots, that ignites sexual addiction, that pushes high achievers professionally and that sits underneath anxiety.
This agitation, this fire, is a force that asks to be expressed and embraced. It’s life beckoning from the inside and asking for our greatest potential to be fulfilled.
But, in today’s world, high levels of energy and expression are often discouraged, seen as crazy, too much, or too overwhelming. Sadly, here in Australia, standing out is discouraged and frowned upon. Tall poppy syndrome has us more focused on fitting in than embodying our uniqueness.
This means that those who long for open ecstasy and to feel the drive of fire and passion burning through their bodies are often stigmatised and made wrong.
I remember years in my 20s being full of ambition, strong desire to connect intimately and burning with sexual passion – and not knowing what to do with it all. Where and how was I to live this? Who could I go to for understanding and guidance about this inner agitation?
So, I tried to push this expansive energy underground and I lived in denial of the potent force in me that wanted to be expressed. I lived largely in my head, using ambition to mentally push me forward. As many people do today, I was looking for fulfilment through career status and achievement.
With the help of alcohol, the passion in me was unleashed. When I was uninhibited – I allowed myself to be sexual and sensual. The mystery in me expressed as I allowed others to see the me that was locked down in a suit 5 days a week.
What was this force in me?
I believe it’s the burning for full vitality and expression, the desire to be open and to live my uniqueness. It was my passion for transformation and the longing to know spirit from the inside out.
Unaddressed, this force turns into struggle and heartache. A life lived mentally gives credit only to external achievements, and can miss the value in developing inner wisdom, deeper connections and passion for life.
The conditioning that is rampant in our society means we don’t have real conversations about how to live with and channel this force of energy.
Anxiety occurs when this energy is not given space and permission to move. Anxiety is the elevating of too much energy into the head rather than being lived through the body.
Living a life of embodied wisdom means acknowledging this energy so it doesn’t go underground and turn into depression and anxiety.
Learning to drop deeper into the body, to live from the inside out, was my first step to addressing anxiety. It was the first step towards embodying and living my authentic life.
Projections and expectations about the future are often the major culprits behind anxiety. Anxiety fuels the fear of life not being fulfilled.
Life will never feel fulfilled whilst it’s lived mentally.
Our physicality, our animal nature, and our deep passion demands to be heard, seen and felt. It takes enormous energy to keep these aspects pushed down and the result of this is depression. Depression is a result of suppressed emotion, and whilst these innate and powerful aspects of us remain suppressed, so does our capacity for feeling and healing.
The more men and women come into authentic expression of their fullness, of their true nature, of the force that beats from their core, the more depression and anxiety will loosen its grip.
Depression and anxiety can only exist in a society where people are not free to be their true selves.
My response to this is – lead from within! Give yourself permission today, to live true, to feel the beat of life that wants to move through you. Drop the shackles of fitting in. Be the tall poppy you were born to be.